Secret Lives of Women

I stole this title. Not only from the reality show on TLC, but from fellow blogger Chicky Finance. Well, I didn’t steal, I copied it to write about the very same topic she did.

I have been itching to tell T about this site for awhile, but I have been frozen, unable to take action. I sit beside him, and think, I should just show him. Do it now! But I didn’t. The words wouldn’t come out.

Finally, tonight, we were on the phone and I was able to blurt out, “I have something I need to tell you.” I immediately said it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t about him. He asked what it was about, and I couldn’t say it right way. It probably took a good 15 minutes to get it out.

Chicky advised to be sort of nonchalant about it. I couldn’t do that. I definitely made a big deal out of it, because it was a big deal to me. Everything I’ve ever written in my life has been a secret, private, locked up. I couldn’t be casual. I had to be neurotic, because, I guess that is me. (I don’t advise being neurotic about it, but if you have to, it does work).

T was patient, more patient than I may have been. It was really difficult for me, and I can not explain why. Finally, I confessed I had an anonymous blog on the internet. Then it was out there! I couldn’t take it back.

He asked if he could read it, I said maybe later, but not right now. He asked what it was about, and I didn’t tell him. He asked if people read it, I said yes. He asked how I knew, and I said they leave comments. He seemed surprised, and asked how many. I said not that many, it wasn’t popular or anything.

Anyway, there it is. It is out there, it seems to be ok. He did warn me that the government could read and monitor it, and use it against me (yeah, he thinks that). But sheesh, I’m not posting about my illegal activities up here, I obviously keep those totally confidential and off the web. (Note to government: That is a joke, I do not really have illegal activities, except maybe minor speeding here and there.)

Why now? A couple things have come up that would require some sort of elaborate lie if I wanted to keep it a secret. I may have kept this private, but I couldn’t flat out lie. The other reason is, when we move in together, when we take certain next steps in our relationship, I’d either have to quit or fess up. The most normal and sensible option seemed to just be open. So I did it.

Someday, I may be completely normal and sensible.

Shopping, but not really

Since it is midnight and I have insomnia for the third night in a row (this doesn’t usually happen to me, so I’m at a loss), I figured I’d shop online. Then blog about it. Then try to sleep again. My mind is just not where it should be this week.

I have a plan for what I am buying this month as far as clothes go. Strapless bra, and sunglasses. That’s it, really. I also badly need new shoes of almost every kind, but particularly brown work shoes (also summer sandals, brown casual sneakers, and cuter black work shoes). If I find those, I’ll buy them, no matter what. My current ones are crap.

I don’t wear skirts to work, so I need brown shoes that go will with my several pairs of brownish dress pants. My maximum heel preference is only 1 inch or less. I’m already on the tall side, and I don’t like anything higher. They probably should be closed toe. Non-ugly. I spent an hour at DSW and didn’t find a thing that suited me. All the cutest shoes have at least 2 inch heels anyway. I’m kind of sick of the patent look. It looks cheap to me. I think some sort of stylish boot would work well, but apparently boots are either really unpopular/out of style or maybe just out of season. I’m helpless with shoes, at least I am lately.

Anyway. T went shopping at Martin + Osa this week, which is, from what I can tell, a Banana Republic wannabe. I’m a little against the concept and the non-sale clothes are expensive. Then again, so is BR, I suppose. I found myself on their website, picking out clothes. I even added them to my online shopping bag.

Most of all, I liked this purple hoodie. Even though it is fun to look “nice” sometimes, I have a love for hoodies and t-shirts. But the hoodie is barely on sale at $50. And a hoodie? Don’t I have like 4 of those already? (But not purple! And they are all older! This is fleece! Look at the cut! I don’t have any new ones!) I can’t wear a hoodie to work! Well, actually, I probably could, but probably wouldn’t.

This and this are much more work friendly. I claim that I want more button up shirts for work, but whenever I try them on, I don’t buy them. They usually seem too frumpy/boring for some reason, and I rarely like them. These look like they have potential, but maybe they don’t. Maybe they’ll disappoint.

Being helpful and nice, T offered to go shopping with me if I wanted. If I don’t go to the store, if I close the window and don’t come back, I’ll forget that I wanted these clothes. Is that what I should do? Really?

(Found a coupon code for 20% off (just google it, or check stylenotes.com), bringing the total to $40 for the non-needed hoodie.  Free shipping.  Free returns.  Still did not purchase.  Yet.)