Equality amoung siblings
My older sister got married about 5 years ago, and my parents paid for nearly everything. My brother-in-law’s parents picked up the bar tab, along with all the other regular “groom” expenses. My sister in her husband paid for very little. I would estimate my parents spent about $8k, but that is mostly a shot in the dark.
So then, wouldn’t I expect my parents to pay for most of mine? Or at least $8k of it? No, not really. They have expressed a desire to do the same for us, but I just don’t think it is realistic or even fair.
My sister was a few years younger and was no where near as financially independent as I am now. There really is no good reason my parents should pay for the bulk of my wedding. We can afford it.
As a nurse and an electrician, this recession hit them harder than it has hit me (so far). My dad was out of work for several months is thrilled to have recently started something new — with overtime opportunities. My mom has been working fairly consistently, but not quite full time due to all the nurses wanting more hours. They never had trouble paying their bills, but I think they were mostly treading water for a few months there.
I do expect them to pick up some stuff, the way parents do, but I don’t want it to be a source of stress. I’m going home this month to look at dresses with my Mom. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pays for it. Nor will I be surprised if she doesn’t. I haven’t talked to them about what they will pay for, but even if it turns out to be “very little”, I’m fine with that. They gave me a lot growing up and gave me the ability to provide for myself.
I’ve read a few bloggers who say that when they give something to one child, they intend to gift an equal amount to any other children, to be fair. It sounds really nice, but that isn’t the way it worked in our family at all. We were communists, I guess — “To each according to her need”. And I’m totally fine with that, even though I have not “needed” too much. [I’m sure it is a fine policy to gift equally. There is nothing wrong with that idea. I just don’t think it is something anyone should get hung up on.]
The things that they did give equally and generously are the things that matter: Emotional support, encouragement, discipline, trust, and lots of love.