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This blog has been dwindling to mostly a list of goals and to-do lists and the like. Perhaps the occasional shopping post.
I’m not sure what to do about it. Accept it? Set up a reasonable (but consistent!) schedule? Take a hiatus until life settles down? (However, I’m a firm believer that life is always busy, and if something is important to you, you make time for it.)
Anyway, here’s a few financial things of note that have happened lately.
Had an AMAZINGLY great weekend in my hometown. Until today when I missed my (budget airline) flight and had to book a brand new ticket on a different airline. Non-direct. My mom actually picked up the tab, but I gave her $100, and think I should likely send her another $100. I don’t have to, but I do think she would appreciate it, and it feels like the grown up thing to do. I make and save plenty that it seem stingy not to. (The ticket was $330. . .) By the way, I”m never going to speak of this incidident again, and told T that we are going to pretend it never happened (except take away a expensive valuable lesson about budget airlines and being early, which I usually am).
Bought tickets for a concert next month with a new friend: $58 (and she still owes me for the same)
Planned the first birthday party for myself in several years, starting at our apartment then just going out. I did that mostly because I don’t want people to be loud too late — neighbors! We’ll probably spend money on some snacks and drinks. I didn’t say BYOB, but I assume some people will and others won’t.
Signed up for the fitness bootcamp after all. I’ll be paying tomorrow! It’s quite a huge money commitment for someone who claims gyms aren’t worth their monthly fee (!), but I think it’ll be interesting to try something new.
Debated whether or not I can pull off the colored wedding shoe trend, or if I’d just regret it. I think I could do it. . . Ok, this isn’t personal finance (until I buy the dang shoe), but still. What do you think?
I may have mentioned (400 times) that I don’t have classes this month. Thus, I scheduled September to the max, and I also hope to get a chunk of wedding planning completed. My wedding theory is that planning can take as much time as you want it to, or as little time as you want it to (within reason). I’m going to stick on the lower end, but I still need to nail down some large pieces… like uh, the ceremony…
September
- Put down deposit for ceremony site & coordinator and stuff
- Pick out (and maybe order?) invitations
- Update the wedding website (yes I really have one) with details I figured out
- Make sure T has asked his friends to be groomsmen (he still hasn’t!!)
- Pick out and order wedding bands
- Take engagement photos (yay!!!!)
- Get a list of suggested hotels in the area up on the website
In general (probably can wait until Christmas break, but we’ll see)
- Centerpieces of some sort
- Cake
- Favors (if we want them)
- Help my parents find a beach house to rent (vrbo.com or similar)
- See if one of my cute cousins of the right age are going to be attending and want to be flower girls (no special dress required)
Accomplishments already this month
- I got two pairs of sandals that might work, and will return (at least one) after I try them on with the dress. Either can be worn again, in real life.
- We found some people experienced in doing outdoor weddings on public sites for what seems to be a reasonable price (no contract yet, so, we’ll see). I feel a lot better knowing someone else (not me or a family member/friend) can take care of the details.
T’s parents called last week to let us know that instead of the original $5000 for “whatever we want” for our wedding, they are now giving us $500, plus a formal reception in his home state.
When we were first engaged, both sets of parents told us they were fine with whatever we wanted. Months later, they decided they wanted a formal reception, and we agreed because it seemed wrong to tell them how to spend their money, even if it was for our wedding. And I’m sure the reception will be a fun celebration — it just wasn’t something that was a priority for me. They started planning, put down deposits, and then called to say they could give us $500 for the wedding that we planned.
His mom implied that it was because we chose to have our ceremony in California. First, not true — if we had it in my home town, we’d be in the exact same situation, since they are pretty far apart. The only way it could have been avoided would be to have everything in his hometown. Second, why didn’t they say so in the first place, anyway? We might have done something else, though it certainly wouldn’t have been “whatever we wanted”.
She also implied that the California ceremony and dinner was mostly for my family, so they shouldn’t have to pay for it. It is true that some of my relatives travel for weddings and can make it, but a lot of them can’t. That is fine with me, because to me, the day was for T and I, our friends, and our immediate families. But mostly for T and I.
I don’t mean to imply I’m ungrateful for the reception they are giving us, or that they aren’t doing enough for us. I’m grateful, and it is more than enough.
I’m not of the opinion parents owe their kids expensive weddings. Frankly, I’d be embarrassed not to be contributing, considering we are adults who have supported ourselves for years. But I think it is lame that they said we could do what we want, changed their minds (after we put down deposits), told us they are giving us 1/10th what we expected (after they put down deposits). Then implied it was partially our fault.
It was frustrating, but not unexpected. We can still afford “our” wedding, and we are proceeding as usual. On the bright side, totally unrelated, my parents said they probably will contribute more than they originally stated, and they are still totally fine with any plan we come up with. And, at the end of the day, we’ll still end up married, and wasn’t that the point?
I’ve only heard one person say they wanted an over-the-top extravagant wedding, and she’s practically fictional anyway: “I want to have the most extravagant wedding ever. I want flowers galore, I want jewels. And my dress is very swan-princess–esque, so I want real swans. I want the cake to be white-chocolate–mousse-vanilla-truffles, with berries in it!” ~Heidi Montag
I’m assuming you aren’t as much of a nut as her and don’t aspire to look like a… swan princess? Still, simple weddings seem quite elusive! Especially when you get parents involved. Or when you start looking at $200 wedding shoes. Please talk me out of (into?) that idea.
I wanted a simple, low stress wedding. It hasn’t been too bad (yet), but there have already been some struggles and it is going to be way more expensive than I ever would have guessed. T’s parents finally figured out how expensive the party in the Midwest they are insisting on will be, and still are deciding what (if anything) to contribute to our party here. So much for “whatever you want!”, but that comes with the territory if parents are gifting money. My parents have still been cool about it, though my mom has asked me like 7 times about her “mother of the bride” dress for a beach wedding. I have no idea what to tell her!
There is no meat in this post. The wedding is getting closer and I’m alternately annoyed and excited to plan it. I think it’ll all come together well enough, but I’m really just not sure, and I have all this other stuff going on, but if I don’t take care of the details, who will? Where is the wedding fairy when you need her? How do people create entire blogs devoted to their weddings? I sort of wish I had that kind of energy for this.
I would like to get my Travel Fund to $3000 by the end of next March. The Travel Fund has been a revolving fund to use for plane tickets and backpacking trips rather than a fund I really try to build up. But 2010 will bring some major traveling. Finally!
We may not go on a big honeymoon immediately after the wedding, but certainly by the end of the summer. My main concern is getting what I want out of our first major trip together since 2006, so if I want to to to the French Alp, I’ll wait until the season is right. If we wait, perhaps we’d do a mini-honeymoon around here, like a long weekend in Santa Barbara or something.
Additionally, we’ll need to buy plane tickets to T’s home state for the reception there, and to my home state to visit my grandparents and the rest of the relatives that decide not to come out for the wedding. Those could run $500 each (though I hope not!).
I also intend to buy a plane ticket home in September, and another one in December. In May I scored a fantastic deal for about $120 RT, but right now tickets are more like $320, so I’m waiting. I could book my Christmas tickets today for $313 (maybe I should??). Typically they are $500+, but a new airline started flying in the past year.
Current Balance: $486
Expected Expenditures before March: $600
Total to save: $3115 ($3600-$486)
Per Month: $390
I’ve been saving something like $225 and intended to increase that to $300 when I’m done with the wedding fund. Clearly that isn’t enough, and I’ll have to cut in other areas to make it up. I will use a portion of my “extra paycheck” to boost the savings, which means I only need about $350 a month built into regular savings. Hmm… where to find that?
From June 20th – today, I charged a shocking (to me and my budget) $3865 on my Visa.
!!!!!!!!!!
This doesn’t include the $750 T and I charged on the joint card in roughly the same period (my share is half). This doesn’t include the $850 check I sent the wedding photographer as a deposit.
What happened?!!?!
- New TV, $1168. T reimbursed me for $868
- New speakers, $678. T reimbursed me for $678.
- Catering deposit for reception dinner, $1250
- New brakes and oil change, $296.
- REI.com sale, $170 (but I just returned $98 due to fit — i purposely ordered more than I planned on keeping in order to get the right size and styles)
- Eye Appointment, $110 (I can get HSA reimbursement, but I have to figure out how exactly)
- White House Black Market, $61, cardigan, purse.
- Gas, $120 (several separate purchases)
- Sushi, $50
And how is that ok?!?!
- Much of it was T’s silly electronic purchases that I was reimbursed for. We used my card due to the warranty extender benefit. I paid $300 towards the TV, nothing towards the rest.
- The other large chunk ($1250 reception deposit) was a planned purchase and the money (plus more) was waiting in the Wedding Fund
- I have a car fund to cover repairs, which smooths out the car spending to a monthly tab.
This is one reason why I like splitting my money into funds — a car repair bill doesn’t mean much, since I intended on spending the money eventually and set aside for it in months when expenses were low. Wedding spending has been budgeted and separated from normal money, so it doesn’t affect my standard cash flow and savings.
I’m totally over wedding planning (note: that doesn’t mean it is done!) and have moved onto the more exciting event of… Honeymoon planning!
If I had to choose a wedding or a honeymoon (+ courtroom marriage), I’d choose honeymoon, hands down. Selfish, but it’s the truth! Luckily, we can do both. Though imagine the kind of vacation we could go on if we had no wedding!
Budget: Starting with $2k a head… We’ll see, this is our first “shot in the dark” number. We haven’t gone on any major (read: international) vacations since 2006, so this is going to be a Big Deal.
Length: As long as I can possible get off work for. I want to do 2 weeks, but that may not be realistic. But maybe!!!
Style: Adventure + budget + at least a couple nights in a more luxurious setting. I’m not too snobbish for hostels (private room please) and five star travel seems so ridiculous/silly. Don’t want Caribbean style resorts/beaches, as we have a beach a stones throw away. (Though not as nice, I must admit.)
I’m very wary of tours and cruises, but may be open to a cruise, depending on ports (like Greek Isles, not Caribbean/Mexican). We do like to explore cities and see “the sights”, but we are considering trying to do some trekking as well, since it is what we are really into right now.
Initial ideas:
Thailand, etc.: Tickets are pricey, but once we were there, we could live like kings. Tropical, beautiful, could fulfill my dream of Cambodia/Laos or other nearby awesome destinations. But… we’ve been there! Who goes to Thailand 2-3 times, yet barely has seen Europe??? Also, there is other stuff to do, but it is most famous for beaches.
South America (yes, very specific, huh?): Nearby (tickets are expensive still), cheap (I think?), mostly Spanish speaking (??) which T claims he knows. Honestly, I don’t know much about S. America yet. We’d have a lot of research to do before. Safety? Where to go? Argentina?
Europe: So many options here! And the countries are all smashed together, so if we do a long trip, we could see at least two, or see many cities in one. Italy, France, Spain and Greece top my mental list right now.
My Backpacker magazine profiled a gorgeous trek in France (Pyrenees Gr10), and you stay in little cottages along the way (so not so grungy), then maybe we could also swing by Paris and Italy or Spain? I was looking at The walkers Haute route, but it seems to be more days than I want to spend on a trekking portion (1 week max). Anyway, I need to do some research on this. We also probably would have to wait until July (wedding = April)…
Africa: Probably waaay too expensive, but we used to talk, way back when, that our dream was to be married on a beach and then go on a safari. I’m not so sure this is my dream anymore though. I want to to Kilimanjaro some day, but not for a honeymoon.
What thoughts do you guys have, world travelers and world traveler wannabes? I’m leaning towards Europe, because… I’ve just been to Germany, and I was 17. But I haven’t got as far as picking the countries… And I imagine Europe would be a bit of a budget challenge (food + lodging).
The theme from our parents has been “whatever you want”, with them contributing e a flat amount and we’d cover the rest. What we want and could afford is a simple beach ceremony here, a nice reception dinner with delicious food and plentiful wine, and then a trip to each of our home states, with a “reception” in T’s home state.
I expect many of my relatives to visit Cali, the rest we’ll visit in their hometown later. Maybe a casual celebration bonfire & BBQ at the lake or a park. Maybe not. I expect friends to attend the California ceremony, or send regrets if they aren’t local and don’t feel like traveling.
T told his parents to plans something casual in his state and $1000 would be enough (I thought that was very low!). His mom starts emailing me with questions. She tells me she expects about 75 people. She tells me she knows a cake person and I can email her any pictures of cakes (uh, I’m supposed to be looking up cake pictures?). She talks about reception halls at country clubs and DJ’s. Can you see where this is going?!
Not shockingly, T’s parents called this week, and it turns out they want a big formal reception after all. Plated dinners, dancing, reception halls and an open bar. We’re not opposed to all that (secretly, I’m quite excited) we just made other choices. I don’t know if they have a clue to what it costs, even in the Midwest. His mom suggested they keep $2,500 for the party in Michigan and we keep $2,500 for California. Really? I doubt she can pull of what she wants for 75 people with their entire $5000 contribution.
I’m not sure what (if anything) they will now be contributing to our California celebration, so we may need to save extra of our own. We asked that they let us know, and we’ll keep the budgets separate. I expect his mom to dictate a lot of what happens for the other party. It might be my dream wedding after all — someone else plans it and I just show up!
[Images by markus941 and by Wedding Photography by Jon Day]
Confession: I do weekend spending reports mostly because I don’t feel like coming up with a well written post on something thoughtful. I have some post ideas, but I can’t seem to formulate them into all out posts.
So, here is what I spent this weekend. Things listed “for two” went on the joint card, so I’ll cover half. The joint card is going really well, except it isn’t a Visa and we’ve had a couple restaurants refuse it.
Thai Dinner: $24 (for two). Since we last went, they started charging $2 for rice (used to be free), but portion sizes seemed larger. We went to kill time and wait out traffic after I picked T up at the airport Friday.
Grocery: $20 (for two). This wasn’t a real grocery run, just snacks, wine, and ingredients for a desert I’ll make. Someday. I did a full grocery shop earlier in the week at TJ’s.
Gas: $41. It’s up to $3.07/gal!
Farmers Market: $6. Just got some avocados and a cucumber. For this smoothie, guacamole, and something sort of similar to this couscous salad (good for lunches).
REI: $45. We split a hiking book for our 2-night trip over the 4th of July. It also has several other good summer hikes (meaning, enough elevation that it’ll be cooler). I got a new bra for hiking — my sports bra always felt sweaty and uncomfy. After trying on several, I got this one, which probably wouldn’t work for anyone with a lot to support. I’m not even sure whether I can use it for running. But it felt perfect, totally lightweight, breathable, and super comfortable, almost like not wearing anything (except without the issues that come with actually not wearing anything). I felt ridiculous paying $30 for such little fabric, but I it’ll serve me well. I could use a new quality t-shirt for hiking, but technical clothing is ridiculously expensive. I’ve been procrastinating in hopes of a sale.
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We stayed in most of the weekend, skipping a graduation type party that we probably should have at least stopped by. I’ll blame T’s jetlag, even though that probably isn’t true. We watched Netflix for entertainment, and woke up really really early Sunday morning to get in a six mile hike to prep for next weekend.
I loved the hike (Sandstone Peak loop — one of the best hikes in the area if you ask me) . We did it in February as well, and it is a far better “winter” hike than summer (which is why we woke up so early). However, it seriously wiped me out for the day. I even had a 2nd cup of coffee in the afternoon and was still able to crash early. We’ve been plotting our first multi-day (I think 4 days?) later this summer in Sequioa/Kings Canyon (sooooooo excited!!!), so the more hiking we do, the better.
I think we are also ready to book our reception! We met with their coordinator and took another look at the area. I estimate the total cost for food + alcohol to be less than $4500, though it really depends on how many people come. It could be significantly cheaper if fewer people come or if people don’t drink much (hahaha, not likely). They require 50% “deposit” but also said you can get your full deposit back if you cancel within a week. Given that, there seems to be little reason to put it off.
We also stopped by a jeweler by happenstance (on our way to investigate JCrew’s sale, which was a failure), and found that they can custom make a wedding band to fit together with my ring for about half the price of the designer band that fits my ring. It is too soon to start the process, but it helps me keep my budget more accurate. They also threw in some much needed ring cleaner as a gift.
…does not mean I can’t also take a peek at what is available!
The one on the left is a $148 Maggy London dress from Nordstrom, and the one on the right is a more budget friendly $60 Nine West dress available at Amazon, among other places. Straps are removable. I definitely like the Maggy London dress more, but I’d be ok with either. Perhaps the headless model is hurting the nine west dress?
I’m still fine with whatever else they come up with, I just couldn’t resist seeing what was out there!
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