Some Wedding Thoughts
So…. Lately, I’ve been thinking of inviting all those relatives to both a small ceremony on the beach here and the official reception back home. Then we can include our friends too. None of my scattered friends would want to fly into my hometown (especially the ones that already live here). It also makes it nice for those few relatives for whom it would be more convenient to come here. I don’t know. So, this is like a destination wedding type deal, except the destination happens to be where I already live?
[I’m not allowed to pick and choose relatives. All aunts, uncles, and cousins must be invited, and most will show up even if it is a plane ticket away, even if they don’t really want to spend $1000 to come to my wedding. Most of them will come, on their dime, and really, I don’t want them to feel obligated to do. And by “allowed” I mean, I’m personally unwilling to pick and choose, for the sake of peace.]
I’m not sure how this is going to go over. My mom thought it sounded like a non-vitation (“your invited, but I hope you don’t actually come”). That isn’t true. It is more: “you are invited and completely welcome, but the California ceremony won’t have a real reception and I understand if you don’t want to make the trip…. Party will be coming to a location near you (and we’ll get you a nice dinner)!” The previous option was “you aren’t invited to the ceremony. Reception to follow.” I think this is better, but she didn’t seem to. She said she had to think about it, but I think she really meant “I want to see what my sister thinks about it.”
We would have a casual dinner (and some, but not unlimited, alcohol) for those who do come to the ceremony. I also like the idea of reserving some tables at this nearby lounge-y bar and getting food and wine there in place of a dance. Changing out of my wedding dress into a plain white short dress. [No, i wouldn’t really spend $300 on a second dress. And plunging necklines don’t look awesome on me, unless I get implants before next spring. But i can pretend.]
If we end up doing the wine bar thing, I don’t think it’d be officially part of the wedding, but rather an “after party”. Otherwise we’ll need a several page invitation to get all the info out there. Or maybe we could do it the following day. I might hate this idea in a week, but for today I like it. I think our friends would have fun there. I want to spend a lot of time with anyone who does come in from out of town.
I’m still worried that it sounds greedy, like I want everyone to fly here, and also attend a reception at home, and also buy me some china. That isn’t what I mean. I just don’t want people to think they can’t come to the ceremony if they wanted to. They can. Plenty of room for everyone next to the ocean.
This isn’t really super frugal. It would certainly be the cheapest to have everything in my hometown. But I want a ceremony on the beach, and that is kind of causing all sorts of issues. We are hoping to pay for a large beach rental for our immediate families to stay at, and also to have people over for the casual dinner. I don’t think we’d have more than 50 people show up to CA (maybe less). The ceremony basics will still be around $2k and up. I still want a dress. We still need some food and probably plenty of alcohol. We still have to celebrate in our hometowns. It isn’t the standard “$25,000” people quote, but it isn’t cheap.
I could just call the casual dinner the “reception” and skip doing anything in my hometown at all. Part of me really likes that idea. But then everyone who could would feel obligated to come here. Which would make me feel obligated to do the standard dinner/dance/big party. Which I really am not into, and not just because of cost. It just isn’t something that is important to me. And my grandparents won’t be able to travel by plane anyway. What about them?
This isn’t firm, it is just my latest thoughts. Poke holes if you want, give suggestions if you have them. But be nice, this is already stressing me out. I should have just married someone from my hometown and stayed there after school. Much easier.