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Wedding Update

July 15, 2009

The theme from our parents has been “whatever you want”, with them contributing e a flat amount and we’d cover the rest.  What we want and could afford is a simple beach ceremony here, a nice reception dinner with delicious food and plentiful wine, and then a trip to each of our home states, with a “reception” in T‘s home state.


I expect many of my relatives to visit Cali, the rest we’ll visit in their hometown later.  Maybe a casual celebration bonfire & BBQ at the lake or a park.  Maybe not.  I expect friends to attend the California ceremony, or send regrets if they aren’t local and don’t feel like traveling.

T told his parents to plans something casual in his state and $1000 would be enough (I thought that was very low!).    His mom starts emailing me with questions.  She tells me she expects about 75 people.  She tells me she knows a cake person and I can email her any pictures of cakes (uh, I’m supposed to be looking up cake pictures?).  She talks about reception halls at country clubs and DJ’s.  Can you see where this is going?!

Not shockingly, T‘s parents called this week, and it turns out they want a big formal reception after all.   Plated dinners, dancing, reception halls and an open bar.  We’re not opposed to all that (secretly, I’m quite excited) we just made other choices.  I don’t know if they have a clue to what it costs, even in the Midwest.  His mom suggested they keep $2,500 for the party in Michigan and we keep $2,500 for California.  Really? I doubt she can pull of what she wants for 75 people with their entire $5000 contribution.


I’m not sure what (if anything) they will now be contributing to our California celebration, so we may need to save extra of our own.  We asked that they let us know, and we’ll keep the budgets separate.  I expect his mom to dictate a lot of what happens for the other party.  It might be my dream wedding after all — someone else plans it and I just show up!

[Images by markus941 and by Wedding Photography by Jon Day]

2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 16, 2009 12:35 pm

    Hey if they’re willing to pay for it, that would be awesome. But will you enjoy the big reception or is it just not what you want? You should be honest with them before getting dragged into the mundane details and drama that are sure to ensue. Where are you planning your beach ceremony? I need to start thinking about these things, I’m just waiting for him to pop the question cause I know the ring is hidden in the house somewhere! I hope the planning goes well.

  2. July 16, 2009 12:49 pm

    @Miss M – it isn’t exactly my thing, but I’m sure I’ll have a good time. As in, I don’t value the idea enough to spend gobs of my own money to have one, but it’lll be quite fun & if money were no object, I’d probably have one here anyway.

    I’m insisting on not planning the details of this midwest stuff and I think that is ok, considering I’ve only been to his hometown 5 or 6 times.

    The ceremony is still the biggest question mark as far as logistics go, but we do plan to do it on a public beach…. Good luck planning the details — I’m really not that into wedding stuff!

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