Cost of my Relationship
Overall, I’m spending way less now that I live with T than when we lived apart. This is solely due to rent. I would guess that every other area, spending has increased or held constant.
When we lived apart, the little expenses that occurred due to the relationship really annoyed me sometimes. I don’t care if it sounds stingy, but it was really annoying to be left with no cereal/snacks/etc. after we spent the weekend at my place (which we almost always did, due mostly to my preference). It was annoying that I was the only one buying gas (He’s car-free. To be fair he spent $$ to use public transit to get to my place). It was annoying if I offered to take us out to eat more, even though I make significantly more at this point in our life. Even if it might be “fair”, it would bother me. (I was also a little more budget crazy at that point.)
But that has vanished. Part of it is due to logistics. All our food lives at one apartment now, and even though we eat slightly different things, we buy everything together and split the cost on the joint card. Sure, he may eat all the bagels (that I had no interest in anyway), but it just isn’t a big deal.
There’s also a smaller distinction between “mine” and “his” (except when it came to my pillows). We haven’t combined our accounts, but I think there is already the knowledge that if he spends $1000 on whatever, that is still $1000 less we will have in the future for our goals, even if my accounts and net worth stay the same on paper. I’m not saying we control each others spending — right now we are comfortable enough that we have some freedom. So I don’t quibble when he wants to buy a racing bicycle (he’s been super into cycling for months), and he doesn’t bat an eye when I suggest a $200 coat. (Ok, he batted an eye. And said it was really expensive. But I agree — it’s expensive. But if I bought it tomorrow, he’d respect it.)
I don’t when the shift occurred. Moving in together, getting engaged, or even just the realization that if I lost my job, T was there for me. Combined accounts or not, the commitment was there, and with that kind of support, it just seems impossible to get frustrated over the little expenses.
What about you? Are there little expenses that bother you?