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Less than three months to go!

January 28, 2010

While the wedding has been a big focus of ours the past couple weeks, there isn’t a lot that I feel like blogging about.  We’ve been making decisions, spending money, and pushing on.    I don’t especially like discussing my wedding plans with people I’m not close to.  I hate answering questions and I always feel judged that what we wanted wasn’t the typical church + banquet + dance party.

Person:  “Where is the wedding?”
Me:  [explains detail of location, which is an outdoor public area.  Yes really.]
Person:  “Oh, is your family from here?”
Me:  “No — but it’s just going to be a small thing.”
Person:  “Oh, a lame/cheap wedding.  I get it.”  [This is what I imagine is said in their head.]

If I’m feeling defensive, I chime in with how we are having a big reception back in the Midwest.

I was telling T that I didn’t want to talk to my coworkers about my wedding at all (for those reasons), but I’ll have to eventually because I’ll be out a few days.  This is the conversation I’m envisioning:

Me:  “BTW, I’m going to be out Thursday-Tuesday.”
Coworker:  “Oh really, are you going somewhere?
Me
:  “No just getting married.  See ya Wednesday!”   (We do plan a big honeymoon, but likely not until fall.  Don’t give me opinions on when honeymoons are supposed to be, I get to choose!)

Don’t get me wrong — I am super excited to get married.  I’m incredibly excited for our small, low-key and beautiful wedding we have planned here. The vows, the ceremony, the dinner, and everything.  I’m excited for the pictures and to wear my dress and eat cake.  I’m super excited for the reception in the midwest — who cares if I don’t know many people?  I just don’t like all the wedding hype.

BTW, this is not a budget wedding, not really.  I don’t consider $14k-$15k “budget”, though some crazies might.  I must admit we saved mostly by using a restaurant rather than an official venue.   I originally didn’t think it was a big deal not to have a dance, but some people (not me) seem to think it isn’t a wedding without dancing.  I personally prefer chatting to dancing, but I didn’t realize this was sort of uncommon.  So, some people may be disappointed, but I think most will be accepting.  And if they aren’t, screw them.

I just hate that when you say “wedding” people get ideas in their head, and I don’t like having to explain and justify my choices.

But I will blog about them if anyone has questions.  🙂

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15 Comments leave one →
  1. January 28, 2010 6:00 pm

    I know what you mean . . . I’m getting married this October and just had an experience with a baker last weekend. I told her I didn’t want a big white cake but something small like a bundt cake. She would not hear of it, saying that my ideas weren’t “Wedding worthy” and that I was sure to regret my decision not to spend money on a more extravagent cake. It can be frustrating swimming upstream in a culture that puts all brides in the same mold. Sigh. But your wedding sounds perfect for you two!

    • January 28, 2010 7:21 pm

      I guess they hear wedding and see dollar signs!

  2. January 28, 2010 6:47 pm

    This post made me laugh because I always felt really defensive about having the big “traditional” wedding.

    There are always going to be people who will have an opinion on your wedding. Some people will think you spent too little, and some people will think you spent too much. Everyone think they know better than you!

    Anyway, I wanted to say that I really admire you for being able to stand up to all the family demands & doing your own thing. Even if it meant you’d have to have 2 weddings.

    • January 28, 2010 7:05 pm

      Honestly, had the demands been clearly stated at the beginning, we probably would have just went along with it and did the normal thing in his hometown, because my family would have came anyway.

      They confused us with a barrage of “do whatever you want!!!” then changed their minds and added “as long as it includes a big banquet with dancing, drinking, and the chicken dance!”

      It is less the family and more this imaginary audience of society — who doesn’t really care anyway. Perhaps I’m neurotic! 🙂

  3. January 28, 2010 8:05 pm

    When my husband and I decided to get married we picked a date that was 3 weeks away. . . Everyone and their dog had an opinion on all of the mistakes we were making and how we would regret our choices.

    I was asked so many times if I was pregnant that I wanted to pee on a stick and wear it on a necklace!

    I started to really stress about it and I almost called the whole thing off, one of my friends really calmed me down and I think my wedding was awesome! We had a nice dinner at a restaurant and had a big get together at my house after.

    If I had gone with everyone else’s idea of what a wedding should be I probably would have an ulcer and I would have been miserable.

    I’m glad you’re sticking up for what you want! It’s your wedding, not theirs!

  4. January 28, 2010 8:10 pm

    You know what? Your wedding is going to be extravagant next to ours! People thought we were insane! lol! We got married by the Justice of the Peace at the courthouse, with only our *immediate* family… and for our reception? We had about 100 friends & family (real friends, real family, not “aquaintances”) over for a big summer BBQ!! It was an absolutely blast! Everyone wore shorts, jeans, sundresses, etc… we had so many people tell us it was really one of the most relaxed and fun ‘weddings’ they had ever been to! Our entire wedding (including suit, dress, wedding bands, food, etc.. cost under 1K!) To this day, I wouldn’t do it over or change a thing. Well… i’d have worn something different, but you can’t win ’em all! 😉 I say do what you want, and like you said, if people don’t like it, screw ’em! lol!!

    http://www.halfdozendaily.wordpress.com

    • January 29, 2010 10:51 am

      I agree. That is what our wedding will be this spring. We are going to the court house with immediate family, plus grandparents, and then having a celebration in June for the reception.

      A lot of people think we are nuts to get married in March, and to do it so small – but it’s what we wanted. (well, honestly we would have eloped if it wouldn’t have excommunicated me from my family)

      Don’t justify – just do what you want to make you happy. “it’s your day”

    • January 30, 2010 8:58 pm

      Very awesome — I think that sounds really fun.

      I often wish we’d have done something like that. But I also often wish we’d done a very traditional church wedding. I obviously have no firm vision for my wedding!

  5. January 29, 2010 7:10 am

    I completely agree! I spend a lot of time thinking about the wedding, but I’m also a planner and I know that if I don’t plan everything out now I’ll have to do everything last minute. Once school gets in full swing I won’t have time to think about this stuff anymore.

    I’m also not all into “it’s my day” hype. It’s actually our day, scratch that, it’s a day for our families and friends to get together and celebrate. I also really hate bridal showers and don’t want one, and I feel like when I tell people this they get weird about it (luckily not my mom and sister though).

    And I hate when people I’m not going to invite ask me about it.

    Finally, I hate when people balk at how much I’m spending and say things like oh I spent $10,000, but then only had 70 people. I’m having 200 people and my budget is my budget and my business. And while I’m doing some stuff to say money, in no way is it a “budget wedding”.

    Phew, I’m done with my tirade =)

  6. Bonnie permalink
    January 29, 2010 7:14 am

    moralia–I think you’re my new hero. 🙂 I’m envisioning something very similar for my own wedding. How awesome is it that you spent 1k?!

    SP, I’m glad you’re doing what you want as well! Anyone who truly loves you just wants you to be happy and will not think anything you do is lame!

  7. January 30, 2010 8:12 pm

    I’m just super impressed that you don’t have to deal with sharing this at work. I would never have heard the end of it if I’d gotten engaged and not included the whole office on the plans. (oh yes, plans for every bit of it.)

    And I’m glad you’re pretty much getting what you wanted despite all the changed minds along the way. 🙂

    I’m lodging a request for wedding cake photos, at least. You know I love food pics 🙂

    • January 30, 2010 8:56 pm

      ah the perks of working with all men, most who were married long ago. 🙂

      Cake photo will certainly be doable!

  8. January 31, 2010 8:31 pm

    Oh, honey, I hear ya on the wedding stuff. I’m cutting out tons of things, and even then it will definitely be over $15k (for 150 members of our families), which is considered “budget” from where I’m from in northern CA.

    It seems like everyone has an opinion on what I’m doing wrong. It’s one thing if those opinions are from parents, aunts (we’re really close), and my siblings, but holy cow! My admin assistant at work has been dissing half on my choices. It’s like, “Really?! Who are you to have an opinion on this? You’re not even getting an invitation!”

    To feel better, I remind myself that these are my decisions that I will be happy with, and these other crazies are just being influenced by irrational, super-consumerist “traditional” weddings.

    Stick with your choices. To hell with the others!

  9. Rachel permalink
    February 2, 2010 1:48 pm

    Oh, my god. You have no idea how much of this very thing I’m going through right now. March 28th cannot come soon enough, if only because I’ve seriously had it with people judging our decisions on the wedding. I am so tired of being the focal point for my fiancé’s family. I wish you the best!

  10. Slinky permalink
    February 24, 2010 2:03 pm

    “I just hate that when you say “wedding” people get ideas in their head, and I don’t like having to explain and justify my choices.”

    That right there says it all. A lot of our choices away from the norm are reflections of who we are and what we like. When people disapprove and want us to justify our choices, it kind of reflects that disapproval onto us and who we are. Maybe I’m just taking it all too personally, but that’s what it feels like and I don’t like it. I’m perfectly happy being me and I’m perfectly comfortable with my dislike of the color white, thank you very much!

    When I read about your wedding and how it’s going to be small and intimate, I just think that you’re probably a very private person who values close relationships rather than a social butterfly with dozens of casual friends. Am I right? 🙂

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