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Please don’t tell me how much I’m saving on my wedding

February 25, 2010

[Also, please don’t tell me how much YOU saved on YOUR wedding.]

I didn’t feel like I could talk about my February finances without clearing the air.  We are spending money on our wedding.  Not tons of money.  We aren’t having a lavish ball.  But more than I am used to on tons of things and it makes me feel like if I post about it, people will tell me that is an irresponsible use of money.  If I don’t post about it, I feel like I’m hiding it!

I also hate when people cheerfully comment on how much we are saving by having a small wedding (only one person did this).  My eyes bugged out and I thought to myself:  “Saving?!?  We are spending nearly $15k, about half of that out of our own pockets!!”  Nothing about our wedding feels frugal or like saving.

The truth is, if we would have just got married in the Midwest, we could have spent the same and had a big wedding with pretty much all the fixings.  Sometimes I wonder if we should have. Just maybe, had all the expectations been clear up front, we would have.  But I have to push that thought out of my mind, because it is too late, we are doing what we are doing, and it is going to be fabulous.

Now that we have that out of the way…. expect more personal finance chatter soon!

17 Comments leave one →
  1. February 25, 2010 2:33 pm

    Totally just lost me as a reader.
    That post (to me) came off completely rude. Hello! It’s the comments section.

    • February 25, 2010 3:15 pm

      No one said that in my comments section… so it wasn’t directed at you or anyone here. Say what you want in my comments, the only non-spam one I’ve ever deleted was a very rude insult. I intend to follow that pattern.

      Sorry if I offended you though! That wasn’t my intention at all.

  2. February 25, 2010 2:37 pm

    Your day WILL be fabulous. 🙂

    You may be planning to do this already, but I’d love to see a breakdown of all of the wedding costs and where you are spending on what. While $15,000 is a crap-load of money, that is still way under what most couples/families spend on a wedding. I love reading how frugally-minded people plan weddings and getting tips on how to cut corners, etc.

    • February 25, 2010 3:21 pm

      I did do a budget a long time ago, but I should do an update with more realistic numbers.

      I didn’t do anything awesomely creative to cut corners. The two big ones were keeping it small-ish and are skipping the dance portion. Keeping it small is what I would want anyway, and we felt ambivalent about a dance (esp at a small wedding) so we opted out.

      But it turns out his parents are throwing us one anyway!

  3. February 25, 2010 3:39 pm

    I hear ya. I guess it’s the same as people saying “I saved $50” when they buy a $100 sweater at 50% off. If you’re not going into debt for it, spending shouldn’t be criticized but it doesn’t have to be applauded either. Spending is still spending.

  4. losangelesdaze permalink
    February 25, 2010 3:55 pm

    Are you hearing this from people you talk to (like at work/friends/acquaintances)? People always want to put in their two cents, or are just curious to see how much the next person is or isn’t spending. I guess to somebody who is spending $100K on a wedding, anything less would be considered “saving”.

    This is a once in a lifetime thing, and yes, it will be fabulous!

    • March 1, 2010 10:27 pm

      yeah – it is more from people i just talk to who I don’t tell exactly how much I’m spending.

      It is semi-budget for this area I guess.

  5. February 25, 2010 4:33 pm

    I would pretty much feel the same way; I’m spending ’cause I have to but please don’t laud me for it. Even though I’ve posted before about hating the idea of having a wedding myself, I enjoy seeing how people choose to spend on weddings (unless it’s completely over the top because that’s a little painful). I’ve ‘maided so many weddings that it’s just sort of an interesting exercise to see how people maintain their budgets.

    Regardless of the budget, you’ll have a great time on the actual day, T and you will be married and that’s all that’s important.

    **Yes, I do realize that there may be a part of you that wishes you still had that $10K in your bank 😉 That’s ok too.

  6. February 25, 2010 6:47 pm

    I understand what you mean because we went through the same stuff as well when we got married. All I can say is that if you feel comfortable with what you are spending and you have the money for it then enjoy. you only do this once (hopefully) but remember that is just a day and not THE day. I found those thoughts helped me prioritize my wants.

  7. El Cheapo permalink
    February 25, 2010 8:05 pm

    SP, its gonna be fabulous. The work, the money spent, the sweat equity, licked envelopes, everything. As a mad saver, its occasions like this that I like to drop $$$ like P-Diddy. Case in point (I know you don’t want stories but here goes)… I ‘donated’ 10K to help cover the cost of my older sister’s wedding a few years back. I received a lot in return but honestly didn’t expect it in full. Seeing my sister dance the night away with my BIL, surrounded by the friends and family we love, made it well worth it in my book. Money nets us freedom, experiences, and if we’re lucky more time to double up on freedom and experiences. We can’t take it with us SP. Save it, spend it, live life with no regrets… [insert life slogan here]

    Sorry to get all philosophical SP, but weddings are a BFD. Speaking as a dude, its not the most exciting stuff in my book but it IS interesting nonetheless. There’s plenty of time for personal finance chatter! Heck I have about 15 other PF blogs that I follow and none of them have the interesting life content that you do right now.

    • February 25, 2010 8:09 pm

      That is so nice! Thanks for being so encouraging!

      I’ve just never been a wedding person (for myself — I love other people’s!), so there is a large part of me that wonders why we didn’t just do the courthouse thing or a real elopement. And what it it isn’t fun!!?? We aren’t having a dance! (that is still my biggest fear — though I’ve mostly talked myself out of worrying about it)

      But you are right. It is a BFD.

      (I had to google BFD to figure out what it stood for. :::sigh:::)

  8. Carrie permalink
    February 26, 2010 6:42 am

    Wow – I bet you are TOTALLY going to save a ton by having a small wedding!!! Ha – just kidding. 🙂 In the end, it’s your day to celebrate your love with your future spouse and you only get to do it once. I love that you guys are doing what you want! More power to ya. 🙂

  9. February 26, 2010 4:18 pm

    When the actual day arrives, you won’t look at everything and see the price tag – you’ll see the wedding you lovingly planned with your new husband and a close group of your loved ones celebrating with you – and it will be worth whatever you spent, whether it was $15, $150, $15000 or $150000 🙂 (and yes…15k is a lot of money, regardless of what anyone else spent on their own!)

    And I think skipping the dance portion will be nice – it will give you more time to talk with your guests.

    Congratulations on your upcoming wedding – it’s going to be great!

  10. March 1, 2010 5:11 pm

    I second your post 100%. It’s been frustrating writing about the wedding in my blog and having anons just tell me how irresponsible I am. And then people in real life asking me why I’m not doing x, y, and z. You seriously can’t please anyone when it comes to wedding planning. I’m just trying to get through it and I know the day will be great because I’ll marry my fiance – so I hope yours will be too!

  11. March 7, 2010 7:29 pm

    Oh my. I hope I wasn’t the person who said it.

    I’m planning my wedding now, and I keep having to remind myself that we can’t please everyone. It seems like everyone is opinionated about weddings and how they ought to be done, and they aren’t careful about how things are said. The other day, someone at work said my invitations look cheap. *Sigh*

    Your wedding will be fabulous! Please continue the postings, as it’s so refreshing to have someone out there who is going through the same decision-making processes!

  12. Slinky permalink
    March 24, 2010 11:58 am

    Can I tell you about how I’m spending more than you are and it makes me feel like a total failure at personal finance, but that we’re paying for it ourselves (except the flowers) and I plan to enjoy every minute of it? 🙂

    Weddings are so personal that the only people who can understand all the choices that were made are the people making them. And that’s ok.

    • SP permalink*
      March 24, 2010 1:34 pm

      Yes! you can tell me all about your wedding as long as it isn’t in a preachy advicey way (which you weren’t!)

      Weddings are just… something I generally don’t like talking about anymore!

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