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Stress

March 29, 2010

Work is extremely stressful right now.  We are behind schedule and overloaded, and I don’t foresee this changing.  I’ll be taking a week off work (thank god) to get married and have a few days with T on our mini-moon next month and I should be able to catch a break.  They are trying to bring someone else on board to help out with some of this work, but the time frame is TBD.

I also am probably going to need to take a day (or two?) unpaid this year, one being the wedding week.  Ten vacation days a year is just not enough.  My previous job had 15 and I’ve had a really hard time accepting the downward adjustment.  Don’t you get a bonus vacation day for getting married?  No?  Not in this economy at least.

I’m getting married.  Soon!  Almost everything is “done” but I still need to make a hair appointment and figure out where I can get my dress steam pressed.  Oh, and get a marriage license and figure out what else I need to do to have my name changed.  I think that is almost it.  Almost.  There’s more.  Little things.

Most of my dad’s side of the family is going to be (unexpectedly) unable to come, which is frustrating as they were the main reason we decided to have a slightly bigger wedding.   Now it is going to be really REALLY small.  I’m probably out a flower girl too.  My sister is volunteering my 16 month old niece.  She just learned how to walk in the past couple months so she’s not the best candidate — but she can wear a white dress and look pretty I guess.  We’ll make something work.  [On the bright side, we don’t have to pay for no-shows or anything ridiculous like that.]

The reason they will have to cancel because my aunt is (still) really really sick, and several of her siblings are using their vacation time/money to go be with her, thus have none left for my wedding, which is fast approaching.  She might not even be out of the hospital by then.  We just don’t know.  This is pretty much the most legitimate reason I have ever heard, and I’m really worried about my aunt.

I guess I thought she’d be on the upswing by now, but she’s just not.  It has been about a week and a half that she’s been in the hospital on a ventilator.  Her daughters are roughly my age (a bit younger) and I just want to hug them.  But there is nothing I can do.  My parents are flying out to Florida today to visit her in the hospital.

Sometimes, I just want to cry, you know?

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2010 2:28 pm

    Wow. You certainly have a lot on your plate and on your mind. I hope you have a terrific wedding and mini moon. You certainly sound like you need to just take a break and breathe.

    I hope your Aunt gets better soon.

  2. tom permalink
    March 29, 2010 3:26 pm

    Hang in there!!

    Also, don’t take unpaid leave. Take a planned sick day. If you’re like me, you probably have banked a bunch of sick time and a few days of vacation. It is not 100% kosher, but, believe me, I know from experience that both management and executive management does it from time to time.

  3. March 30, 2010 8:51 am

    That is definitely a lot of stress and I totally agree that you should get a day off for your wedding! I accrue 1 vacation day a month, so we technically get 12 but I’m all out because I used them for grad school interviews. Definitely not fun to have to be stuck at work and have other things in life that you need to get done.
    Soon this will all pass though and you will be entering newlywed bliss!

  4. March 30, 2010 3:28 pm

    Hugs – that’s a lot to have to juggle right now. Hope the workload eases and that your aunt’s health picks up.

  5. March 30, 2010 4:16 pm

    Breathe. Repeat.

    Seriously, though, I know how it all feels like it’s coming down on top of you as the big day approaches.

    A couple of things you bring up:

    1. Flower girl: You have two options. You can not have one — no one will notice, I assure you — or you can have a parent walk with her. It’ll be adorable and, in a pinch, they can carry her while she throws some petals. Either way, your decision means it’s done and figured out.

    2. Smaller wedding: Okay, frustrating that you expanded for the people who won’t show, but it also means fewer guests to wrangle, as well as keep happy. It’s fewer details you need to worry about. (And it means there will be some people to put you on the phone if you call your sick relative on the big day.)

    3. Name change: Don’t worry about this. At all. Seriously. You don’t want to deal with getting your named changed until after the wedding anyway. Any travel is currently booked under your maiden name. So you can just cross that off the list or at least scoot it to the “post-wedding worries” list. (It’s also insanely easy. You just take a copy of a couple of documents, fill out some paperwork and then you have a different name. It’s just remembering to change it with the pertinent folks that’s annoying.)

    4. Hair: Try to relax and enjoy this since it’s a bit of an indulgence and, it seems, some of your only time off! But I suggest a simple style that will wear well. If you have too many bobby pins or whatever, you’ll worry the whole wedding about your hair “falling” or whatnot. I ended up firing my hairdresser three days before our wedding — long story but essentially she was the worst kind of flake — so we borrowed a set of curlers and a bridesmaid just did my hair that way and pinned it up just a bit. It was simple, easy and I didn’t worry about my hairdo all day.

    5. Pressing your wedding dress. Yeah that’s probably a good idea. I sooo didn’t think of that at all for my big day. Oh well. If you’re that freaked out, either start poking your head into dry cleaning places and asking if they do it, or go on The Knot’s website and find a place. Either way, you’ll find a place soon.

    Oh, and keep breathing. That’s the most important part of all!

  6. March 31, 2010 5:43 pm

    I’m with Tom – take a sick day. In the system, it looks just like a vacation day.

    Also, I believe it has been scientifically proven that the younger and more incompetent your flower girl is, the cuter it is. My flower girls dumped out their flowers before I even had my dress on!

  7. SP permalink*
    March 31, 2010 7:29 pm

    My manager seems very “by the book” and probably would frown on sick leave used as vacation. Without his approval (even unspoken approval) I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it.

    Sick leave vs “leave without pay” is now a moot point, unfortunately. I’ll be using several sick days for bereavement leave to go back home to go to the funeral late next week 😦

    My task lead (how many bosses do i have?!) encouraged me to take as much time with my family as needed to go back for the funeral so I’ll probably end up blending the bereavement leave with vacation leave — which is odd, but seems pretty necessary in this case. When he suggested that, my stress level decreased by a factor of 1000.

    • tom permalink
      March 31, 2010 8:10 pm

      I am very sorry to hear about your Aunt. All my best to you and your family.

  8. May 24, 2011 12:19 pm

    I’m reading your pre-wedding posts right now to see if every other bride was as stressed/crazy as I feel. I really need to do a wedding update post, but when? If I could blog during work hours, I would, but after work hours have been so packed. 😦

    I definitely have to blog about how our photographer informed us last week that he double-booked us and how our reception site is trying to change our set-up date even though I have vendors coming that day. UGH!!!

    • SP permalink*
      May 26, 2011 8:12 am

      It is TOTALLY NORMAL, and also, totally horrible. But all worth it in the end, or at least, that is what we must convince ourselves. 🙂

      Hang in there girl!

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