Nostalgia for the present
I don’t take anything for granted.
I have been incredibly lucky in my life. I have made some good decisions, but I’ve made bad ones too. I’ve taken risks that have paid off, made sacrifices that I wasn’t sure would be worth it, and I put energy into everything I do. Yet I’ve also stayed back from many risks, refused to make other sacrifices, and chose not to pursue a near-infitine number of paths and goals.
Still, most days I wake up and think that I’m so incredibly lucky to have the life I have. At least, after I’ve had my coffee I think that I’m really lucky. But my coffee is very very often delivered to me in latte form by my husband, so it is hard not to start each day being grateful.
We always knew that we probably wouldn’t stay here forever, even if we stayed in the L.A. area in general. We knew we’d look back at our time in Santa Monica with fondness and nostalgia. The gratefulness that washes over you when you know that you will always remember these days as a wonderful and happy time is something I call (mostly just in my head) nostalgia for the present. It is a special feeling of wanting what you have. It is knowing that things may bet better or worse, but that today is something to be thankful for.
We are leaving a place that I spent six years falling in love with. I’m ready to fall in love with somewhere new, and hope to continue to experience nostalgia for the present there. I’m not a surfer, nor that much of a beach girl, not interested in hollywood, and wish there were more trees on the hiking paths. I prefer fall clothes and a slight bit more of seasons. I just need a place to run outside, a place with no -20 weather, and a place with beauty. I’ve found myself thinking of houses and babies more than I ever have before. After years of assuming I’d continue at my company (due to lack of a better assumption), for the first time in years I have no idea where my career will take me 2 years from now. It’s exciting, but scary. I do think I’m really really going to like our new life.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss all that I’ve experienced here.