I was doing monthly updates, but have they now become seasonal?
Money is less interesting to me than it was when I started this blog (in 2007). It feels less urgent. It is no longer this big unsolved problem. There are things I should know more about, things I should spend more time on, things I should care more about. Yet, I have enough money to feel reasonably secure, and there is no amount of money (that I’m likely to ever have) that will improve my level of security significantly.
Work has been chaotic, to put it mildly. It has been emotional. I take my work personally, and I can’t help it. A lot of things happened that were no one’s fault (at least no one in my company) and were pretty difficult for our team to handle. People we work with external to our company have made our jobs really hard, and we’re bearing the brunt of it. Our key technical lead (who is also one of my favorites) quit the project for reasons that I respect, agree with, and support – yet I could barely look him in the eye when this was discussed, for fear that I would burst into tears. Because the project might fall apart, and with him gone, the chances of that happening are higher.
Since the existence of my job is tied to the existence of my project, I was understandably anxious about all of this. In bigger companies, I had the security of thinking “I’m good, they like me, they will try very hard to find a place for me.” This is a smaller place with almost no centralized staffing, and I’ve only been here 8 months. It is harder to find places for people, and I don’t know so many people outside my team yet. Still, I started looking at internal backup plans, and I managed to line a solid one up. Which is amazing, because I want nothing more than to do this job for a very very long time. Anyway, the project has not fallen apart yet, but there are still a lot of unknowns on it. At least the “can I still work here?” factor is off the table for the time being.
All of that is to point out that I never actually sat down with my spreadsheets to confirm how long we would be OK without my income. I think the answer is indefinitely, although I have to admit I’m not sure the exact sacrifices that would require. The answer is certainly “more than long enough”, and I’m confident enough that I could figure out a path forward if plan A didn’t work out. I’m not saying I slept soundly each night, comfortable in this knowledge, I’m just saying that when I was feeling anxious, I could talk myself down from it.
I was anxious about the idea of looking for new job, because I love this job. And I’m so ridiculously spoiled on my commute, and I come home (almost) every day to play with my dog, and life really just is exactly what I want. But I was not at all worried about money or survival. I wasn’t worried about paying bills. I knew we could do it. And that makes me really really grateful.
Also, dog update! He went backpacking with us!