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October 5, 2015

Here is how I feel right now. Which dot? I have no idea.


Work is still nuts, but I should have some closure soon.

I’m putting myself out there a bit farther than I’m naturally inclined to.  I’m speaking first, despite having the least experience in some (most?) of the technical details. I’m an engineer, not a salesman – but I did work in a very corporate environment for years. I know how to talk to executives and customers to a degree some of my coworkers don’t. I have an opinion on how we present things and frame the conversations.  I desperately need the others on my team to help me, but I’m willing to speak first. I’m willing to be a little bit wrong.

Honestly, I have no idea if I’m doing the right things, and that is causing me to be mildly panicked. I’m trying to keep my exterior calm (and doing a much better job than I was 3 weeks ago!).  There is a not-insignifcant part of me that wants to jump up and down and create a panic.  I won’t. I’m striving for equanimity.

This is how I will grow.

When I think about my most interesting career experiences, they arose when I was offered opportunities, and I said yes.  Other times I saw an opportunity within my grasp, and asked about it. I took some calculated risks.

I very often felt under qualified, and wondered why anyone was letting me do any of the things I was doing. But I still said yes, I still was eager to take it on.

A slightly easier way I’ve got to do something new and fun was to look up from I was already doing, see how it fits into a bigger picture, and start filling any cracks that it seems like no one else is planning on filling. It is easier to see if anyone tells you to stop doing something you think might be useful than to wait for someone to tell you what to do.

Today is the day. If we pull off today, well, that is the first step of a long journey.  If, in the end, we pull everything off (the BIG everything with the team beyond my team), it will be pretty amazing. If we are successful, I will know that I played a big part in it. If we fail, well, same story, I guess.

I’m mentally prepared for any outcome. I wasn’t the first time, during the first terrible meeting.  Nor was I mentally prepared for the fallout. I won’t be so knocked off my feet this time, no matter what. I will react with equanimity. (Right?)

What is the point of this post?

Be opportunistic. Say yes to others. Say yes to yourself, even if you have some doubts. If you don’t have doubts, you are probably erring on the Dunning-Kruger side of things.  If you listen too much to your doubts, you may be erring on the imposter syndrome side.

And send good vibes my way!

(Some personal finance stuff coming this weekend I think!)


4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 22, 2015 10:50 am

    I read your last post and I completely failed to comment. I love that you do love your job, and I REALLY hope you have good closure soon. (Already? Maybe? Too optimistic?) Preparing yourself to react with a neutral reaction is one of the most valuable skills I’ve learned.

    • October 22, 2015 1:24 pm

      I’m getting lots of practice in neutral reactions! It is not my tendency, but I have a few good examples to look up. I think I am improving, or at least trying to limit how my reaction might affect others.

      It’s still a bit nuts, but I have a back-up plan that allows me to take it (a bit) more in stride.


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